Oh Yeah! I have a blog!

Did I happen to mention that I have a daughter graduating from High School? Actually, the graduation ceremony took place last night and the party is next weekend, so........little busy. Did I also happen to mention a time or two that we have an organic farm? Yeah, we do and spring is probably the most insane time for us.....on top of having a graduation.

One last little detail. Did I happen to mention my mother was coming into town to 'help'? Yeah......'nuf said.

I will try to come back soon and compose a sentence after I'm through pulling all of my hair out.

Our Newest Project

First, thank you for all the support on the last post. Knowing there are other awesome women out there who have struggled and moved through the hard times, gives my journey hope! Thanks.

Now, just a quick warning. Get ready to oooohhhhh and ahhhhh. This could possibly be the cutest little thing you've ever seen, except for our own little babies, of course, but this little guy even gives them a run for their money!

Introducing...........Albert.


Albert from Angie on Vimeo.

I know, I know. I've already watched it a hundred times and I'm the one feeding the little sucker at 6 a.m. every morning. Albert is just a visitor at our farm. Our friends who raise sheep took a long overdue vacation to Oregon and asked us if we would watch over their newest bottle lamb. For the past week, we literally haven't gotten shit done around here because we are too busy playing with this lamb.

The first couple of nights it was just way too cold for him to sleep outside with the other sheep, despite that thing he has called a wool coat? So, he had to sleep in our mudroom with the dogs, literally, with the dogs, in their beds. I'm pretty sure he thinks he is a dog. We work in the yard or go about doing chores and he just follows us around the yard, crying, if we get too far away and he can't see us but as soon as we call him he comes running.

Well, today, Albert has to go home and I'm not sure how any of us are going to react to that. Yes, actually I do know how we are all going to react to that - there will be tears.

But have no fear. When one exciting animal leaves the place? You can be sure there is something else exciting right around the corner. Look what I went to see about buying on Wednesday!

















Yes, we are moving into the Dairy Goat world, folks. It should be interesting and because you are so lucky, you will have a front seat to adventure.

We are off to Ashland, Wisconsin for the Memorial Day weekend. Camping, biking, hiking, canoeing and kayaking for 3 whole days! Have a great safe holiday weekend.

Guilty Pleasures

At the risk of you all thinking I’ve gone off the deep end…..I’m going to share a secret.

Frequently, I consult Soul Cards. Okay there, I said it. Sue me. Commit me. Whatever. It's a guilty pleasure of mine and my friend, Chris.

It seems like when I’m really struggling with something, a nugget of life that just keeps nagging me and I can’t figure out why or how to just ‘get over it’ already, I turn to these cards. I’m constantly amazed at how right on they are. Not in some fortune teller sort of way, I’m not into that, but in a way that makes me dig a little deeper to find out why the hell this is bugging me. We know it's corny, but we giggle like a couple of little girls while we're reading them and the conversations that have come out of it are so healing. Theses cards have been getting a work out this week.

As I alluded to weeks ago, things are a little……bumpy in the marriage department. Now, let me clarify. I have no desire to leave or divorce my husband. I love him very much and he loves me. I’m the luckiest woman on the face of the earth to be able to have the situation I have, but, that doesn’t mean there aren’t bumps along the way that we have to navigate our way through. We are in that spot.

I’m feeling the need to spread my wings a bit, so to speak. Feeling a little suffocated and needing some independence from my family. Ever since I turned 40, there are just things I want to accomplish. Not in some “life is short” sort of way, just some things that have been put on the back burner, waiting for the day when it felt right. Well, it seems that time has come.

These are not life-altering changes, just a few things I want to put on the top of my priority list and carve out the time to make happen on a daily basis. Anyone that knows me knows that when I decide I’m going to do something, talking me out of it or trying to convince me otherwise, doesn’t usually go over very well. Pretty much, when I say I’m going to do something, I do it and usually with a touch of obsession, just a touch.

Change is hard for others to accept. When others see you making changes in your thoughts and actions, they feel threatened. Feeling threatened can bring about many ugly emotions that are hard to deal with. Sometimes people don’t see that the changes have nothing to do at all with them, and everything to do with the person making the changes. There are no hidden meanings, no ulterior motives, no deception, just the need for some space to sort out your thoughts.

Humans are complex individuals. When life presents itself, it’s tough to deal with the issue at hand and not drag along all 40 years of your baggage with you to the negotiations. The key is to know how to swim through all the baggage and get to the ‘nuts’ of the problem. If you can stay in the fight and dig through the dirt together, you will come out stronger on the other end. That’s the difference between working hard at something you love and giving up.

These are the things they don’t talk about when you are about to start sharing your life with another person. They don’t dare tell you how much you have to give of yourself, the patience you have to have, the negotiations you will have to navigate, the compassion you will have to have, the understanding you will have to give and the pieces of yourself you will have to stand up for and fight for.

If you’re lucky like me, you will find yourself with someone who is equally willing to fight the fight while still feeling love. Someone who fights fair and who understands this won’t be fixed overnight and is still willing to face it tomorrow and possibly the next day, without throwing in the towel.

Sex with one leg still in your pants.

This explains how the deed is done most of the time in our house. With a house full of preteens and teens, there is no more disturbing thought than being caught by your kids, in the act.

Now, before you start feeling too sorry for my husband and his boring sex life, don’t feel too sorry for him. Often enough, we throw caution to the wind and have the time of our lives, so no need for sympathy.

I’m talking about the week to week, day to day process of ‘reconnecting’, as we like to call it. How many of you ‘reconnect’ with one ear open for the sound of footsteps of the child who, “can’t sleep” or “forgot to tell you one more thing before they go to sleep.” You know, the part where you freeze and say, “listen!”, just to make sure you don’t have an audience?

Our kids can barely stomach it when we hug and kiss in front of them. “Could you two please stop that or get a room?” is the constant refrain. They appreciate the fact, I’m sure, that we love each other and care enough to show affection, they would just prefer we do it out of eyesight of their weak stomachs.

When they are babies, it’s not about fear of being caught, more of the hassle of being interrupted, but when they reach a certain age, fear of being caught and having to explain just what the hell was going on, is limiting, to say the least.

We have many stories of being caught when they were young toddlers and being able to skirt out of the embarrassment with a short explanation, but those days are gone. If we happen to get caught now, we would have some ‘splaining to do as to how we could do something like that in the same universe in which they live!!

There are so many varying opinions on how to deal with this in families. Some people just make it known they are going to have ‘quiet’ time as a couple and everyone knows what that means! ‘giggle, giggle’. Others keep it completely secret and don’t even show affection around their kids – this seems strange to me. We fall somewhere in between, I guess. But the day we can actually undress and not have to leave one leg still in our pants will be……let’s see……liberating!

If you're willing to share, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Dysfunction Junction

Remember that song from School House Rock? "Conjunction, junction, what's your function?" I loved those songs and actually remembered them a time or two when pondering on a grammar question.

Well, as the title suggests, I've been visiting Dysfunction Junction - otherwise known as my family in Illinois.

Without going into too much detail, but giving you enough information to understand why I made the trip, here goes. My uncle (mom's brother) died of cancer. Not a sudden death, a relieved death after a year of suffering. My grandmother (uncle's mother), who I am very close with is left to deal with all the details as my uncle was not married and left everything to my grandma, even though he had a son. The son is ill-equipped to be inheriting any money, let's just leave it at that.

This tragedy has required my grandma to be in Houston, Texas, where my uncle lived, for the last 9 months.

Now, my grandmother and I are close. If it weren't for my grandmother, I would not know diddly about the things that are so important to my life, like, gardening, canning, cooking, sewing and life in general. Without going into futher detail, my mother was ill-equipped at being a mother and therefore gave up and left to live her life. Only to return, 7 years later, with the thought we could all just act like nothing ever happened.

Needless to say, to my grandma, getting her garden in is a very important part of her spring. She tolerates winter only because she knows soon she will be bent over in the garden picking green beans. The other part of spring that is a long-standing tradition to my grandma and her mother and her mother, is hunting Morel mushrooms. I have a very clear memory of my great-great grandmother holding my hand and walking the timber looking for mushrooms when I was only about 4 years old.

Last week, I got a call from my grandma indicating she was very stressed out about her gardens. Her flower and vegetable garden were in terrible shape from her absence and "they're saying this is a great year for Morels!" Taking the hint, since she would never come right out and ask for help, I put the two youngest in the car and in a split second decision, jumped in and took off to Illinois.

We arrived with 3 flats of plants from my greenhouse and all the garden tools. In a matter of 3 days, we had all the flower beds, which are beyond huge, and the vegetable garden, weeded, tilled, planted and mulched. We even had time to go mushrooming 2 different afternoons and got a good 'mess' of mushrooms, as she calls it.

We also got to see my brother, my uncle and my grandmother on my dad's side. Great to see all of them. Oh, yeah, we also saw my mother and younger sister and her new baby.

Now, we all have dysfunction, I know. But where my mom and sister are concerned? Jerry Springer has nothing on us. Never would we believe that our mother abandoning my brother and I as a good thing, but our sister is living proof that having my mother stick around and raise you, is far worse. That's all I've got to say about that (said in my best Forest Gump voice).

So a week without a post, but for a good cause. It's the one thing I hate about being so far up North - too many miles between me and my grandma.


My grandma, my girls and my uncle in the timber looking for Morels.


My awesome brother, Aaron and my grandma.

Spring is finally here.....

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Nothing like new baby chicks to symbolize spring, right? Our new batch arrived this morning, all soft, warm and peeping like crazy. I didn't have to do much, the girls have seen it done enough they know exactly what to do and like doing it. They jumped right in and started dipping the beaks in the water and counting how many we had.















Keeping the theme of 'doing less' this year, we cut our usual chick numbers in half and are only doing 50 this spring with the possibility of doing 50 more in the fall. I can't believe how easy 50 seems!















The girls are hanging out in the chicken coop all day loving on the babies. In a few days, they will just be stinky chickens and not as much fun to play with. All, literally, ALL they do is poop, so it doesn't take long to get stinky.

We have a pond behind our house and every year at least one pair of Canadian Geese make a nest and end up with a few babies. It never fails that some critter gets a few of their eggs, but they usually manage to fight off the animals enough to get at least 2 babies. This process starts early in the spring and usually involves some serious territory disputes. One couple will take control of the pond, make their nest and be paddling around happy and lo and behold, here comes another pair in for a landing. They saw this great pond from the sky and thought, "hey, there we go!" Only when they land, they are immediately attacked by the pair that is already established.















You can see the 'already established' couple standing their ground against the female of the other couple......and there is the male of the invading couple just paddling around, making a lot of noise, but not really helping out much....just leaving his mate to do the dirty work!















Every once in awhile he would give a supporting 'honk' in his mate's direction. As John and I watched, he looked at me and said, "He's a lover, not a fighter, just like me."

Caution: Feeling Sorry for Myself.....

Let's just be honest right out of the gate here, okay? I'm having a really hard time getting back into family life.

Have any of you ever taken a chunk of time for yourself, allowed yourself to dream about only having to think about yourself, been able to just.....THINK without being interrrupted?

Could this be considered Burn Out? Do I even need to say the usual, "Of course, I love my family....blah, blah, blah?" We all know that, but I am really struggling with finding the routine again.

It's possible that I'm just overwhelmed. Spring has a way of doing that to me, you know. Never enough hours, even with the extra few hours of daylight we have now.

Our weather is finally cooperating, although the temps are still cool, the sun has been out quite a bit. Today, my husband found me just lying in the backyard in the sun. Eyes closed, half asleep with both dogs lying next to me, in the sun.

Besides my avoiding the routine and all it entails, the crabbiness has been around too. Short temper, no patience, no tolerance.....that's pretty much been the deal. Do you think this is subconscious? If I'm bitchy enough - they will send me away again!

Nope. No subconscious, no psychological reason, just struggling to get back to the mom/wife role.

Still, the weekend was not a total wash, I did manage to transplant 150 tomato plants, plant lettuce, radishes, pak choi, beets and broccoli in the hoophouse, laid down 4 rows of landscape fabric (of course, all of these jobs are done ALONE) and helped my husband load 3 trailers full of horse poop and spread it on the field. We didn't even kill each other while working together. He's a very patient man, even with snippy women.

Snapping out of this soon might be a good idea though, he's patient.....but that won't last forever.

Can anyone relate? Even though we are all good, loving wives and mothers, once you get the taste of freedom, is it hard to come back and be responsible for everyone again? Most people say they can't wait to get back home. I didn't have that really. Maybe the trip wasn't long enough? Maybe it was too long? Not sure.

As usual, anyone with any advice, I'm all ears.

When You Play, You Pay

Nothing like being snatched from your high of a great experience and back into reality with a sinus infection. Ugh. I'm on my third day of feeling like dog shit and this time of year - there is just no time for this. There are seeds to be planted, fields to be tilled, plants to transplant.....the list goes on and on.

About 3 weeks ago, I had my annual exam at the Funhouse, otherwise known as the Gyno. Everything came back fine as far as the "ole girl" was concerned, and even the blood tests to check my cholesteral were great, overall cholesteral 177 and my good cholesteral was 166, which she said was excellent. All good news. However, my thyroid levels are off. Looks like I have a little hypothyroidism going on, which explains a few things.

Back in 1996, we were having a bit of trouble getting pregnant with our youngest, Brenna. While I was in for my annual exam, my doctor asked me how long I had had that lump on my thyroid? "Lump?" I had no idea I even had a lump. That led to more tests which came back inconclusive, then biopsies which also came back inconclusive and finally to surgery. The idea was that they would operate and once in surgery, would send the lump in question to pathology while I stayed under and anesthesia if the lump came back cancerous, they would remove that half of my thyroid. Fun times. Well, to make a long story short, they ended up taking that half of my thyroid. They never called it the big "C" word, but said it was suspicious enough to warrant removal. They prescribed Synthroid, to help my thyroid keep up and off I went. Two months later, I was pregnant. I never knew how powerful that little thyroid was.

That was 11 years ago and about 1 year after the surgery, I stopped taking the Synthroid, partly because I am a terrible pill taker and partly because I didn't feel any different. For the last 10 years, every year we check my thyroid levels as part of my annual exam and I've always been right on the 'normal' numbers.

Well, you turn 40 and it all goes to hell. For the first time, the numbers are off and indicating hypothyroidism. I'm actually relieved by this diagnosis. It finally explains why I'm always so freaking tired, why I've been so sick for the last year - more so than any other time in my life - and possibly why I've gained about 10-15 pounds. At least that's what I'm going to blame it on. So, starting today, we will go back on the thyroid hormone and see what happens. I'm envisioning myself as the Tasmanian Devil - just a whirlwind of activity - so much so that I magically drop the extra 15 I've been carrying around. Don't burst my bubble - just let me believe this for a little while, okay? Thanks.

Of course, I dread taking a pill daily. You wouldn't think something like that would be such a big deal, but I really hate it. I'm one of those annoying people that doesn't take Advil/Tylenol when I have a headache or feel sick, I just wait it out. Although this sinus infection was kicking my ass so badly yesterday, I broke down and took a Sudafed......ahhhhh, so this is what they mean when they say "temporary relief of pain". Ingenious.

Now, off to crank up the iPod and furiously plant some seeds in the greenhouse. It's a little early in the day for wine, but like my husband always says, "Hey - it's noon somewhere!"