There have been many times when I have asked myself the question, "How in the hell did God think I could handle raising 3 daughters?" Usually, this question comes about when one of them, or all 3 of them at one time, are going through some drama that overtakes our family.
Tonights subject? "Hey, mom, did you know they make a female condom now? How does that work?" Ummm, ummm. What would any homeschooling mother do? You go to the Internet, right? We found out all kinds of things about female condoms that I had NO idea about! I've been out of the game for awhile, you know. Being married to someone for 15 years that has a vasectomy will do that to you. So, we found all kinds of answers.
Then the next question: "How does a condom work anyway? How do you put it on?" Holy shit. Okay....the banana test.....explain it like if you were putting it on a banana. That always works.
Then the final 'heart-attack' question: "What is a good age to have sex and why do people do it?" Holy shit #2. Ummm, ummmm. A good age? NEVER in high school, but college is a good time to give it a whirl, with all the standard stipulations....with the right person, with the right protection, blah, blah, blah....Why do people do it?? This is the answer I gave, right or wrong: "Well, as much as you two can't believe this, when it is the right situation? It is really great, a lot of fun....IN THE RIGHT SITUATION AND WHEN YOU ARE READY!!!!!
Okay ladies, give me your opinion, good or bad, blast me for my honesty or not, I really want to hear what you have to say about the subject and how you would deal with this if you were in my shoes!
BTW, my oldest daughter, Alyson, who is away at college and surely having sex with her boyfriend of 4 years who is at the same college, was on the cell phone and 'tempering' me b/c in her words, "mom, you can be a little TOO honest sometimes" - helping me out:)
C'mon, let's talk about sex!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Sex Talk
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12 comments:
Actually, that's almost exactly what I'll be saying to my girls when they're a bit older.
I really love your honest answers! Bravo!! And when my girls start questioning I'll send 'em to you. As it is w/all the mention of sex on TV I'm just waiting for ONE of them to ask What IS sex??? Oy. Pass the wine.
I think you did great.
I think people err on the side of too little info or lies far more often... an honest answer, while it may be more info than they need at one time (not that I think this was) at least won't leave them confused, feeling cheated, deep-down knowing you left things out and thinking there might be some kind of big secret. Seriously, the "big secret" aspect is probably why most kids get interested in sex way too early.
You're an awesome mom, IMHO.
I am applauding, whistling and cheering for your honesty. Well done..
First off! Bravo for having such a great relationship with your girls that they feel comfortable asking ANY questions about sex.
Well you know, I don't have any kidlets, but looking back at my growing up times, I'm really wishing my mom talked to me about sex even just a little! She avoided the subject completely and well... so did I.
I love your answers. I love your honesty and your mature way of talking to your girls. It shows you respect them and trust them and that you love them. You were honest that you didn't know some answers, so together you went looking for information. And teaching girls how to put on a condom, brilliant!
I would (and have) handled it the same way. A good book on the subject (geared for the younger set) is always nice to have around if there are questions you don't want to ask mom or, perhaps, want to explore further.
Good work mom.
Those girls are so lucky to have you! At the unschooling conference I went to last year there was a talk about just this, one with the teens and another with the parents where the person leading this could then tell the parents what the teens felt worked and what did not work in their sex ed. They all said they wanted books around that they could read on their own and they also wanted a person to talk to about absolutely anything, that was not a parent (maybe a family friend or aunt/uncle or someone else who was very comfortable and - I would think - with whom the parents had shared their values). It is so unusual and cool that your girls are comfortable enough to talk to you openly.
HOnesty is good. Really! If you can't talk about hypothetical sex, then why would your kids come to you to talk about the real deal if they have concerns or questions or problems later.
what a real and honest answer! talking to teens/youth as if they are real thinking people who can handle knowledge can only be a good thing.
by not freaking out (too much) or by giving some canned response, you are creating an open flow between all of you on the subject for future questions and such.
You Go Girl!
Boy, you ladies are good for my ego:)
Thanks.
angie, a few weeks late on this, but yes. I think honest answer are the best answers. I think knowing the pros (it feels really good ;-) and the cons (potential STI's and bc failure) have to be stated. But without the guilt and the baggage that some of our parents imparted. Because if you are honest with them, they will in turn continue to come to you for these conversations. at least that is what I am banking on.
I playing catch up on your blog tonight...I've fallen behind reading. I think you did/said the right stuff. I am very upfront with my kids. They ask and I tell, why hide them from it they will find out one way or another it might as well be from you!
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