answers

Have you ever been convinced that something was happening and for the life of you, you couldn't find the answer? Doesn't it make you feel crazy? You do start to think to yourself, "wow, maybe there really isn't an answer and maybe I am crazy", at least that's what I thought.

So this weekend, while we were out of town at the Farming Conference, I got the feeling there were some signs that might lead to an answer to my question.

As I'm searching through the purse, I find 23 empty foil packets of laxatives and about 100 red & white pills that are not in any bottle, but just loose (these ended up being stool softeners). My heart started racing and I though to myself, "maybe I don't want to find this answer". But once I stopped and thought about it, I have known the answer from the first time there were clues and I allowed myself to be persuaded otherwise. Denial is strong.

My 17 year old daughter, whom I love with all my heart and who has been hurting for a long time, finally admitted to me upon my discovery that yes, she has an eating disorder and has had it for about 1 year.

It was almost exactly 1 year to the day that I first confronted her and told her I was concerned. To all mothers out there: When your gut is telling you something? Listen. You are rarely wrong.

We are starting her in treatment this week. We are all heart-broken, but relieved that we finally have an answer even if it's not one we wanted to know.