....thoughts.....

I'm sitting here after just finishing Nora Ephron's new book, I Feel Bad About My Neck and am deep in thought. The book is on being a woman and aging and basically her life.

My kids are downstairs playing Scrabble and laughing their little butts off. The sound of this makes me happy, mainly because 20 minutes ago they were fighting like crazy over who-ate-whose (sp?) Valentine's Day candy.

Always when I read books about other people's lives it makes me sit and take 'stock' in my own life. The things I've accomplished (that I never give myself enough credit for), the mistakes I've made, the things I want to start doing differently, the stuff I want to write about. I guess that's what is great about books - they take you to a place you wouldn't have gone otherwise.

I always find myself taking notes after a book or making Word documents filled with reminders of some sort. At least if I put it in a Word document I won't lose it like I do so many scraps of paper with deep thoughts on them.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by all the stuff you would like to accomplish? Do you ever feverishly make notes to remind yourself of all the things you want to accomplish? Maybe you will accomplish some of them, but if you are like me, you don't accomplish most of them - it's just like being able to dream a little - think about what you could do if money, time and kids weren't a deterrent.

I guess as long as I'm still making notes and dreaming, I'm okay. Maybe I should start worrying if the 'dreaming' stops and the Word documents disappear and I no longer bother to wonder "where in the hell did I put that scrap of paper with ideas?"

I want to start having more dinner parties. Not the stuffy, fancy linen, uncomfortable, formal type of dinner party - that is not me. Just the let's have another couple over, cook a good meal, drink some good wine/beer, listen to some good music and have some meaningful conversation while the kids are running around doing their thing, type of dinner party.

Why does it always seem like stuff like that always gets pushed aside in the never-ending mantra of "we don't have time"? When we look back will we be glad we took the time to have good food, drink and talk with friends or that we were running around like chickens-with-our-heads-cut-off, crazy people?

I want to write letters to my kids about the different stages of their lives. Not in any formal way (again, not me), but when you take notice that your kids are in a certain stage in life, whether it's good or bad, sit down and write to them about it. Someday, they might be interested in reading something like that and if not, oh well, it might be therapeutic for us.

I want to make a difference and more than anything I want to teach my kids to make a difference. I don't care how they do it, but just think of other people or the world and try to make a difference. Don't get caught up in all the bullshit. Don't fall for all the advertising that makes you think you 'have to have this' or 'you have to look like this' or 'you have to drive this' - and as corny as it sounds, enjoy the simple stuff. You don't have to spend a fortune going to Disney World or the Carribean to have fun together.

The cold, winter, snowy mornings when the rest of world is stuck in traffic and in a hurry to get to wherever they need to be, we are all snuggled in my bed together, reading books, drinking coffee/juice, laughing and talking and it's then that I realize that no matter what I have or have not accomplished, no matter what mistakes I have made or not made, no matter how overwhelming my life seems, I am the luckiest woman in the world.