Writing, writing, writing...

Well as some of you know, today is the first day of NaNoWriMo, short for National Novel Writing Month. You write for 30 days and in the end you have to have 50,000 words to finish and hopefully, have your novel. Okay, maybe not a novel, maybe a novella or story or whatever, but the point is to get 50,000 words in 30 days. Proudly, (I better take all the credit while I can) I have 2650 words under my belt which is not a bad first day.

However, today is also the start of NaBloPoMo, short for National Blog Posting Month, where you agree to post EVERYDAY for a month! Actually I almost forgot about this with all the hubbub about the novel, but remembered just in time. If you are interested in either of these projects and who wouldn't be, you can find more information at the following sites:

www.nanowrimo.com
www.fussy.org

So, I'm typing my little fingers to the bone today. Besides all the typing and without going into too much detail, there are other changes going on in my life. On a long road of trying to change how I function in my family - trying to get away from my wanting to control everything and then resenting everyone because they let me control everything (easier for them!), I've been trying to break this awful cycle and have realized that I am my own worst enemy! God, I love to micromanage. This is a bad thing, by the way. The more I control and micromanage everyone, they become more and more dependent on me and just expect me to take care of all the details in our lives and why wouldn't they? I've always done it in the past, so why would anything change? Well, because I find myself not liking anyone very much, feel taken for granted and used, that's why.

Of course, I'm fully aware that I have brought this upon myself. Needing to control everything and everyone has been an affliction I have been battling the better part of my life. In one of my many stints in therapy it was explained as a reaction to my chaotic childhood. No shit.

Once I hit 35, this was something that wasn't really working for me anymore and have been trying to change my ways ever since. It's a loooong process.

Anyway, there have been a few issues that have come up with my husband and I, so tonight is the pow-wow. Don't you hate it when you have to sit down and 'talk', forced talk? I do. Things go much smoother when people just listen to me and do it my way, is that so much to ask? And I wonder why I would have relationship problems.