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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

In a Funk

All you moms out there - ever feel like you have completely lost who you are and aren't even sure where to start looking?

There is no need to drivel on about how much I love my kids and how I wouldn't want to do anything else but be their mother....blah, blah, blah......I'm working from the standpoint that we all know this part, so 'nuf said.

What my 'funk' consists of is a mix of feeling stifled, smothered, down, like there is no time to THINK a complete thought, like I can't breathe, like I want to run far, far away. Everyday seems to be an effort to keep a handle on the everyday minutia that is involved in raising kids, keeping a house, taking care of things.....dental appointments, sports practices, groceries, "did we pay the light bill?" - That kind of stuff.

All day is about the kids, all their stuff, then Alyson comes home at 3:00 and it's all about her stuff, then John comes home at 3:30 and he needs his share of attention and can't understand why I'm all, "get the hell away from me."

Yes, the obvious answer is - YOU NEED A BREAK. We all know, easier said than done. But honestly, disappearing for a while and doing nothing but reading.....surfing blogs.......having coffee......going to the bookstore......oh, the list could go on and on. Do any of you feel guilty about that sort of thing? Do you ever feel like, "yeah, all women (mothers) would love to be able to do that, but too frickin bad - you have kids and a life - that you chose - quit whining".

Burned out. That's the feeling.

Quite a while ago, I posted about building my own little cabin in the woods and having a place to 'get away' when these feelings came around - the cabin never got built - but it needs to be put on the high priority list for the spring. Do any of you have a place of your own where no one messes with your stuff? borrows your clothes and you never see them again? doesn't answer your phone and never gives you a message? ('sorry mom, I forgot!') Isn't always asking where THEIR stuff is? Yes, yes, all typical 'mom' stuff - but sometimes I'd like to take a break from being 'mom' and try to remember what it is to be 'me'.

These are the types of things I always want to say to new moms. Your kids will be the light of your life, but don't forget to carve out time for you, don't forget who you are, don't feel guilty about taking time to be you.....your kids will be better off so don't feel guilty. Teach your kids that it's not okay to give 100% of who you are to your family, keep at least 10% to yourself. Make chunks of time for you to be alone with your own thoughts, make it part of their schedule just like naptime and they will grow up never knowing it should be any other way.

In my quest to be 'perfect mom', I forgot that part and trying to recapture it after the fact is difficult.

Do any of you deal with these feelings? Any words of wisdom will be appreciated.


*~*Cece*~* said...

We all go through that now & then. Its just overwhelimg being responsible for the daily life and wellbeing of so many people. Exhausting. And in order to remain healthy and sane to continue with my mommy life I give myself a break every few months, if possible. Mister and I will get away for a weekend w/o kids. Or if I need a break from him then I'll plan a trip, alone, to visit one of my girlfriends. When I come home I'm rested and anxious to get back into my roll of mother. Taking a few days off and not having to be responsible for ANYONE is a belssing.

Miss Eliza said...

I hear you 100% - and Olive is only 1, which worries me. When you build your cabin can I come use it, too?

Christy said...

Oh yeah, I go through that. I've actually had days where I've said that no one is allowed to call me mom for the rest of the day. Sometimes I just get tired of the word! As my son as gotten older I've gotten better at taking baths once a week or so. I get about an hour of time to read and relax. It took many years to work up to them giving me an hour but I finally have it. At first I was lucky to get 10 minutes alone, but now everyone understands how much I need that time.