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Friday, February 02, 2007

True Friendship

True Friendship. Hasn't the definition of that changed at different times in your life? When you were in high school it meant one thing. When you had babies and small children it meant one thing. When you started to get a little older and wiser it meant one thing. But at what point in a woman's life does the definition become clear?

For me, the older I get, the definition becomes more narrow. I find I need fewer friends. That sounds snotty, I know and some people would disagree, but what I mean is, I need less quantity but more quality.

When you are a busy woman, and who isn't?, you only have a certain amount of time to spend with friends. By the time you are done with your job(s), taking care of your family, shuffling your kids from one activity to another, and spend any amount of quality time with your spouse, the amount of time you have left is small, at least in my life. When I have that window of time, I want to spend it with a true friend. Not a friend or acquaintance just having small talk. Not someone I can't be real with and talk about the things that are on my mind that they will understand. I want to be able to sit down in my favorite coffee shop on their big, plush comfy couches, drink large amounts of caffeine and eat large amounts of bad desserts and have a good ole chat about all the things that are going on in our lives. The good things, the bad things and just the idle gossip that we know won't go any further than the two of us.

The "friendships" I don't have time for I guess aren't really friendships, but you know what I mean. People you know, your kids' friends parents, people you see at parties, people you serve on committees with, these have the potential of becoming friendships if you find someone you have things in common with. But sometimes, after you initially think there might be potential for friendships, you realize they are just too much work. That sounds snotty again, I know. But really, you don't feel secure in some of these budding friendships, there are red flags, you sense that this person might not be someone you could tell all your shit to, you know? Then you are put in a position of having to distance yourself because it just becomes too much work and you don't have the time.

As you can tell by now, this is something I am currently dealing with. The job of extracting yourself from someone that you realize is not going to end up being one of your close friends is never easy. You certainly don't want to hurt anyones' feelings and you don't want it to be uncomfortable every time you see this person, but I think that is inevitable. But to me, the bottom line is, I have a very limited amount of time that I can devote to social time with my friends, so when I have a block of time, I want to make it count.

Can any of you ladies out there relate? Or, do you think, as my husband always says, "you women complicate things too much". I'd love to know your feelings.

2 comments:

Cece said...

Great post! I couldn't agree more!

Over the years my "friends" have changed. Not only that but the quality of "friend" I want in my life has drastically changed, too. I no longer wish to be around those I use to share time with when I was in my 20's.

Now, I've got some GOOD, STRONG friendships that I think will last a life time. My best friends live in different states & we all met on the internet! We've been friends for 4-5 years now! We vacation together, when possible. If anything we make sure we set out at least one weekend a year to make time to see eachother. And that means traveling, but that's just part of the fun.

When I return, I return a happy woman. Happy to be rested. Happy for the memories I made the weekend before. Happy to have such awesome woman in my life.

Thanks for this post, Angie!

Angie said...

Glad you liked it, Cece! I couldn't agree more. At the risk of sounding snobby, your needs really seem to narrow as you get older. Just no time for the bullshit.

Have a great week!